a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
