Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
