best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize