Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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