you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
