No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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