i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
