DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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