I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
