ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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