I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
