don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
