yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
