so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
