today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
