apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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