you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think my mom watched the whole time
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
