I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
