You just made me feel so damn special
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
