either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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