I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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