I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize