i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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