Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
