I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize