You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
