Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
