Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
