If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
