ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
