it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
