the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
