I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
