I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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