You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
