last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
