My brain says no but my pants say off.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
