I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
