why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he shaved USA in his pubs
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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