By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
