3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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