I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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