Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
