Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
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