Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
