i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
thus making me awesome and them whores
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
