everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I understand Curling. That high.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize