he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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