so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
