Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
