how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
