That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize