Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All the doctor said was why
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
