hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
