im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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