he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
