I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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