Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
