is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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