So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
