I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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