Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
