My room smells like vodka and shame
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
