Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize