i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
well you can't waste a boner
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
