Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
