turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
