I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize